And it was rough.
Both my parents are gone. That's weird. And confusing. They brought me here and now they're gone. Celebrating a birthday without the people who gave it me is unusual.
There were a lot of tears. It was a harder day than I anticipated.
And then I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror and I looked AGED. Now, granted, it had been a long day and my eyes were still swollen, but I just looked like I was carrying quite a heavy load. And I made a decision that things have to change this year.
So, starting today, I'm making an effort to change things. And I figure if I blog about it, then I'll have to follow through.
When I say transformation, I don't really know what that means. But I know I want to feel (and ideally, look) different on my 48th birthday. I want to be carrying less of a load I guess. Does that mean I'd like to lose weight? Sure. But that's not my main goal here. My goal is an overall transformation both in body and soul. Maybe, more so soul.
I'm trying not to put out any strict rules, because I inevitably won't be able to adhere to them and then I'll get mad, and likely give up.
But what I do want to do is meditate. Every day. All 365 days. If that is the only thing I do for 365, I believe there will be a transformation. But I also want to clean up my diet and continue to enhance my exercise routine. That means increasing the minutes on my Barre 3 routines, which gets me stronger. I'm looking for strength, not weight loss when it comes to working out. I'd like to increase my cardio ability as well and get back up to where I used to be. That's good for my heart.
So, I'm looking at meditation, food and exercise. Things that are good for all of us. At the same time, I know how life has a way of throwing kinks into things. So, sometimes the food may not be great. Sometimes the exercise may not happen. But I believe I can find time for 10 minutes of meditation every day. I don't need it to be guided. I can do it on my own. I just need to do it. And with that meditation will likely (hopefully) come an attitude shift change. I've noticed so much more negativity in me lately. I absolutely want that to change.
Ultimately, in 365 days I want to feel calmer in my soul and happier in my spirit. I think weight loss maybe a part of what comes from both of those things, but I'm not going to focus there because in that focus comes frustration for me at times. And I'm not willing to give this up. So, it's more of an inner transformation, which, ideally, will come with an external transformation.
I won't post every day, but intend to post at least weekly. I didn't take a picture this morning, but I intend to tomorrow morning and then take one on the 1st of each month. I may or may not share the pictures. But the goal is that on April 30th, 2017 (my 48th birthday), I will share them for sure and we'll all be able to see what a year of meditation can do for a person.
Maybe you'll even consider joining me along the way. :)
